One Face of Heaven Breaking Into Earth

Grandpa. There are a few things you should know about this man.

He's 100 years old (101 this August). I'm not even a quarter of that! Needless to say, he's led a full life.
My grams passed almost 10 years ago, and I never thought gramps would hit the 100-mark. For each day he's given, for every other day he is on this earth, this man is doing some serious damage for the Kingdom. My grandparents were probably the first prayer warriors I've ever been exposed to. I remember there would be times when I'd want to sleep in my grandparents bedroom--I'd grab a sleeping bag, put it between their two twin beds (why do some old people do that?), and just lay there listening to them pray together as they sat facing each other until one fell asleep. To say that they were in the zone would be an understatement. It was their job, their joy, and their honor to come before our God in that way. As I lay zipped up in my sleeping bag, and their prayers literally were spoken over me, I never experienced anything but deep, deep peace.

He's an amazing story teller. I wish that I could have heard more while I was growing up. He's a man of conviction. He's a man who loves deeply. He's a man who sees with his heart. He's gentle. He's strong. He was an anointed speaker, a passionate pastor, and still is and will continue to be a true worshiper well after the day He meets our Jesus face to face. 

He gives the best sniff-kisses and grandpa hugs. Because his eyesight isn't the best, he writes the cutest little notes with his grandpa writing--it's hard to read sometimes, but you know that it's just him telling us he loves us.  He delights in his children and his grandchildren. He is proud of us. He's not afraid to cry in front of us. I'm a firm believer that he's a big fan of the happy tears :). Apparently, I come from a strong line of a lot of those, haha.

As he lay in his hospital bed with my uncle on one side and my mom on the other, he raised his arms toward the heavens, eyes closed, with an ear-to-ear smile on his face. My mom asked him what it was that he was seeing, and he cried out, "Hallelujah!! Hallelujah!! I see the face of my God. I see the angels and his children bowing before him worshiping. Hallelujah!!" Talk about getting one of the best gifts ever: a vision of Heaven, a glimpse of the face of his Maker, a taste of what's to come.

I know that Grandpa is ready to go Home. I know that His appetite for eternity has been whetted, and he remains on this earth knowing that God's timing is sovereign. I honestly believe he's still here for our sake. We're not done with him yet, and he loves us enough to stick around for a little bit longer :). I know that when he does go to hang out with Jesus for forever and ever, that my heart will be in a place of genuine grieving and joyous celebration. Words cannot express how blessed I am to know how rich of a heritage I have. 

My family--the men and women who have come before me have made me think about this verse in a different way:

Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

In many ways, I have seem this hemming behind and before through the people God has placed in my life. They started down the narrow road knowing that Eternity awaits--being fully present along the way. 

Jesus, you are far too good to us. Thank you for Grandpa. Thank you for his story of redemption and surrender. Thank you for inclining his heart towards Yours. You already know this, but he can't wait to see You. 

P.s. [to Passport packed--Almost ready to go]

**Click picture to view in entirety**

Yes,  I indeed twirled out of excitement :)

Passport Packed--Almost Ready To Go.

That's a lie. My passport isn't packed. In fact, that's what i'm going to do right when i'm done with this entry. I can't believe what a whirlwind it's been. This past week with no school, Christmas, visiting family, and preparing for my trip to Uganda--has seemed to fly right on by.

Nonetheless, the day has come. I leave for Uganda tomorrow. I'm excited/nervous. If it weren't so cold, i'd have sweaty palms. At this rate, i'm wondering if i'll get any sleep before our 11:30 AM meeting time.

I go into this trip with no doubt in my mind that there will be joy. God has spoken that to me time and time again. The anticipation of experiencing a greater depth of His Body is just overwhelming. I feel like something's on the brink for me. It may not happen during the trip, but the trip may be a catalyst for whatever is around the bend.

This passage was given to me this evening, and it is perfect. It calls me to be a posture of waiting for, trusting in, and claiming God's promises:

       "For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
       it speaks of the end
       and will not prove false.
       Though it linger, wait for it;
       it will certainly come and will not delay." -Habakkuk 2:3


I go into this trip with an openness--and from now until I get onto the grounds of Gulu, I pray for a further opening of my heart. 


Pray for these things for the team, for me, and for the people of Gulu:
-Boldness/Authority in His Spirit
-Patience
-Healing
-Humility
-Team Unity
-Increased love for God's children over in Gulu
-Whatever else He leads you to pray for :)


The team and I will keep you posted on the trip's happenings through Rock Harbor's Uganda blog:


http://www.rockharbor.org/blog/uganda/


I'll also occasionally post here, so feel free to check both!




I really should be packing, so i'll leave you with a rough itinerary of our time, so you can be praying :)


Sunday 12/27--Depart from LAX ~ 4 PM

Layover in Dubai

Tuesday 12/29--Arrive at Entebbe ~ 2:45 PM

Wednesday 12/30--Depart for Gulu/Arrive at Acholi Inn/Worship @ Gulu Bible Community Church/New Year's Planning Meeting/Jesus Film Crusade

Thursday 12/31--Alero Cuku Medical Mission

Friday 1/1--Alero Cuku Medical 

Saturday 1/2--Women's Conference/GBCC Model Farming

Sunday 1/3--Break Out Groups (Marriage/Youth)/Worship @ Pastor Ron's

Monday 1/4--Langol Medical/Jesus Film/Testimonies

Tuesday 1/5--Guru-Guru Medical/Jesus Film/Testimonies

Wednesday 1/6--Hospital Ministry/House of Hope/Heals/31-Bits/Krochet Kids/Appreciation Dinner

Thursday 1/7--Depart for Murchison Falls National Park

Friday 1/8--Safari/Depart for Kampala

Saturday 1/9--Bethany Village (Orphanage)/Dinner @ Pastor Fred's

Sunday 1/10--Church @ Ggaba Community Church/Depart for Entebbe

Monday 1/11--Arrive @ LAX

Stay tuned!

If Ice Cubes Could Talk

Imagine yourself as an ice cube 

simply resting on the sidewalk.

God is with you.

This was a prayer/silence exercise that my friend took us through during our small group last night. We sat there in silence, some more still than others, for a whoppin' four minutes (It amuses me that four minutes of silence can cause people to become so uncomfortable, fidgety and anxious. It's so odd). As we sat there and prayed and visualized, we were encouraged to ask God how the imagery spoke to us. Did it bring a sense of rest? A sense of anxiety? Where is God during this time and in this image? 


I was a glistening, square cube melting slowly into the cracks, pores, and grooves of the sidewalk. The warmth of the sun was gently but persistently transforming me into an altogether new substance--rays of sunshine bouncing and ricocheting off of some surfaces but being absorbed by others--including me, the ice cube.  Hardness became a substance that flowed freely into its surroundings. There was a sense of release as I melted away. I didn't have to try; there was no striving. I was simply being and the strength of the sun was doing the rest. As I continued to melt, there was a moment when I was the small little remainder of an ice cube that was wiggling around in the puddle that had formed around me, dancing and swirling but never straying far from that place. (This spoke to me because I feel that often time stillness can be restrictive, but in reality, it is freeing.) 


The image of the melting ice cube affected me deeply because I often get pictures of myself falling into a pile of pillows or sitting in the Father's lap when I'm in a state of rest, but the imagery of the melting ice cube took me into a greater place of understanding. I don't just want to rest on top of something. I want to lean into and become a part of what supports me--to melt into, to become one with the rest that is only found in my Father. To simply be in His presence is a form of worship, and that just blows my mind. 

"Come to me, all you who are troubled and weighted down with care, and I will give you rest."

Matthew 11:28

Papa's Girl.

The saying goes, "when it rains, it pours." It seems as though when things are good, they're good; and when they're bad, they're bad. The last two weeks have been--well, trying. There have been moments of great joy, but a span of time that weighed heavily on my spirit as a great sense of sadness and resignation seemed to be unshakable. I started to wonder what the cause or causes were, and I settled on a few different variants.

1. As one desires growth or revelation there's an opposing power that desires nothing more than to sow and reap destruction. It's been a season of much refinement--much pruning. I'm constantly asking for clear vision in the midst of the process because, without an understanding that I'm being refined, bitterness and resentment could seep into places in my heart where they're not welcomed. A few months ago, God kind of gave me a heads up that I was going to need to strap in. Noted!

2. There is an issue of lacking discipline in my life that can bring about unwanted results. In some areas, I have much; in others, I'm a bit more inconsistent. Discipline is something I value, but it's also hard to maintain if I'm operating out of my own strength. This is where I need to operate in a place of grace--grace as a means of empowerment.His grace is sufficient. Me typing it out once means nothing. This is a thought that I long to have moment by moment, and sometimes that seems more apparent then others. It is humbling and reminds me that we're constantly in process.

3. Lastly, Uganda is just around the corner, and as the team and I have been preparing for it, we have felt warfare in various forms. Lies are creeping into our minds, and it's what we do with those lies that make the world of difference. I'm giving my testimony this Sunday at our training meeting, and as I've been mulling and praying over what I will share, I was overwhelmed by a sense of sadness and resignation as old tendencies mustered their way back into my heart.

There was a call tonight during prayer worship for anyone who needed prayer---specifically prayers against the lies being spoken over us by the voice that is not our loving Father's. For every lie, there is a truth, and that truth breaks the chains of captivity. Renouncing the lies and proclaiming the loving truths of God is incredibly powerful, and we were able to partake of that in community. As I was being prayed over, I got an image that spoke very deeply to my heart. My friend praying over me asked the Lord to show me an image of His great, unspeakable love for me.

Papa has an intricately fashioned, framed picture of me on His nightstand. With the most loving eyes, He gazes at me--and with great delight, He just smiles the biggest smile. Papa's Girl.

Again, I was reminded that I am my Beloved's and He is mine. Also, I was reminded of how much He loves me by showing me that amazing friends are contending for me as the Spirit leads them.

I pray we know His love more and more; that the truth and presence of His spirit indwelling in us would displace the lies, the doubts, the fears and insecurities. I ask for boldness and courage for His kids to live lives that demand explanation.

You.

Lord, help me surrender all.
i cannot change another's heart, another's soul, another's mind.
what i can do is to trust that Your heart is being sought after,
that in the process of striving to know truth,
they would hear your voice as clear as day.
I pray for sensitivity in areas that need to feel to know
I pray for discernment to hear what your Spirit is speaking
I pray for grace and patience as this whole process is one of learning and growing,
And ultimately, knowing you as Maker, as Savior, as Lord, as Abba, as Almighty You.

Exhale.

I'm finding my days shortening, and my breaths going right along with my days. I'm needing to remind myself to breathe, to sit, and to be reminded of an all encompassing picture of what my life currently is, not this little smidgen that I currently find myself in. I foolishly weigh the the tip of the mountain on my scale, but in doing so, i completely fail to see the mountain range that is. My scale is skewed. Instead of laying it all down at his feet, i'm doing my best, in my own power, to run as fast as i can and to try as hard as possible to make things OK for myself. In trying to control, i'm losing control, and i'm forgetting to surrender.

God.
You alone are God, and i so need to be reminded of that. You are in control, and you have my best interest at heart. You provide, you sustain, you lavish me with things i couldn't imagine for myself, and you sing a song over me. God, amidst my dense thoughts and my racing emotions, I ask for a sensitivity to your song over me, that would teach me the posture to take to sing a song of praise to you, God-for all that you are. Teach me to be grateful, to give, and to choose to lean into you and to fall into your arms instead of taking my life into my own hands. I pray to trust you and your plan. As your kingdom unfolds on this earth, I pray that I would see how it is that you're allowing me to join you in that. I want to give you my heart, Lord. Guard it, Lord, and let me let you guard it. Right when I think I've arrived at that place of knowing what it is to surrender, doubt and fear and a flood of questions find their way into my mind. I pray, God that in this time, I would hand over those doubts, those fears and those questions. I pray that I would talk to you about those things, listen for your voice, and be diligent in knowing that i am full and being complete in you. I pray against the thoughts and the emotions that vie for my attention, God. I know that this is a battleground on which I tread. I ask, Lord, that you would forgive me in my stubbornness and my disregard for how my actions pull at your heart. I often find myself trusting in you with only a part of my heart, God. And that's not what i want; i want to trust you with all of it. God, i'm sorry for what I allow my eyes to see and what my spirit to endure that detracts of me from seeing and knowing you. I ask for life and to experience all that is life-giving, but I find myself stewing in the places i find comfortable and temporarily satisfying, God. I pray to choose the battle, the fight that will lead to sweet victory in you, God. With you, in you, there is triumph. Remind me that I am made in your image and for your glory. You call me worthy. YOU call me worthy. Thank you, Lord, for your grace and abundant love. I pray to receive and experience freedom.

Amen.