Solitary Refinement

Although it can feel like a prison, solitude is actually a discipline that has its main function in being a means of grace. This is very much where I am right now with all the transitions in my life--leaving things, moving out of places, ending jobs, saying goodbye's... I'm not telling you this in a "poor me" kind of tone, but rather I say it because I know that despite what I feel (both justified and some unjustified emotions), God is at work. By no means is the process easy, but I know it's well worth it. And in the midst of it all, I am learning (though sometimes i'm not the most gracious learner) to trust Him despite the illusions my uncertain external circumstances may paint for me.

Henry Nouwen eloquently states what i'm going through quite well in these few snippets (emphasis mine):

"As soon as we are alone,...inner chaos opens up in us. This chaos can be so disturbing and so confusing that we can hardly wait to get busy again. Entering a private room and shutting the door, therefore, does not mean that we immediately shut out all our inner doubts, anxieties, fears, bad memories, unresolved conflicts, angry feelings and impulsive desires. On the contrary, when we have removed our outer distraction, we often find that our inner distraction manifest themselves to us in full force. We often use the outer distractions to shield ourselves from the interior noises. This makes the discipline of solitude all the more important." 

"It is this nothingness (in solitude) that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something. The task is to persevere in my solitude, to stay in my cell until all my seductive visitors get tired of pounding on my door and leave me alone. The wisdom of the desert is that the confrontation with our own frightening nothingness forces us to surrender ourselves totally and unconditionally to the Lord Jesus Christ." 

"solitude begins with a time and a place for God, and God alone. If we really believe not only that God exists but also that God is actively present in our lives-- healing, teaching and guiding-- we need to set aside a time and space to give God our undivided attention. (Matt 6:6)"  

We are not confined in solitude--but rather, we are being refined. I pray that by His grace, we--I-- give Him room to do so. 

"They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will rise up on wings like eagles. They will run and never faint." Thanks for the reminder, Isaiah.

Chew On It!

His 

faithfulness 

finds 

its 

home 

in 

us.

"Whoa!" is right!

Consumer vs. Being Consumed

To know who I am, I need to know who He is. 
To know what I've been given, I need to know who He is.
To know what promises have been made to me, I need to know who He is.
To know how to worship Him, I need to know who He is.
To know how to love, I need to know who He is.


You get the point.


In this season (or whatever you want to call it), I've been really praying for a renewed sense of discipline in place of the "me-me" mentality I take on when life gets too busy. A friend reminded me the other day that discipline is a form of submission, and that cut me to the core. I've said "yes" to myself so much that in parts of my life, i've forgotten my First Love. I've sacrificed deeper intimacy for temporal satisfaction in things that are fleeting.


"Luckily" for me, my First Love never goes farther than I how far I go away because He's always here, always with me, always loving me. My Dave wrote something the other day that went hand in hand with this: "You always have access to God's heart, but does He have access to yours?" Being in the presence of God requires me giving Him access to my heart, and i'm praying for an increase of that for this season (and for the rest of them to come). 


I'm going through the Psalms right now, and time and time again, I'm blown away by how His character is revealed through the Word. It's thick with who He is, and I love being reminded of how exciting it is to fall in love with Him. This is what I was reminded of again about who He is just in the first 8 chapters:

He is:

*the Giver of Life

*the Sustainer

* the only Peace

*the only Safety

*the Director

*the Guide

*the Giver of Joy

*the Protector

*the Merciful One

*the Healer

*the Deliverer

*the Trustworthy One

*the Defender

*the Just Judge

*the Lord Most High

*the Excellent One 

My prayer is that we would long to know Him more and pursue Him as He delights in pursuing us. I pray that we would know the difference between being consumers of His love and being consumed by His love. 

Hodge Podge Friday: Life isn't about compartments.

So what's Hodge Podge Friday's, you ask? Well, let me tell ya. It's going to be a project--a mixed bag of goodies. You'll never know what you're going to get, but I hope that you'll leave with something you can take along for yourself :). You'll get anything from a mix of new recipes, a new DIY project, some random or not-so-random photography, musings on life, musical recommendations, etc... 


Friday posts may have no rhyme or reason to them, but I'm going to embrace that. One of my goals this year is to do what I can to break away from a compartmentalized life. Life isn't about compartments--it's about experiencing it in whole. Who's with me?

Stay for a little while, stay for the whole time, it's your call!

Come along now:  

#1: Roomie Pizza-making Date

I love my roomie, but we hardly get time to hang out. Our schedules are polar opposites of each other's. She gets to see her man during the week, and I get to see mine on weekends, so that adds to our shortage of hang time. We set some time aside to make some delicious pizzas. I was too hungry to take legit pictures. 

It's too bad I can't take pictures of what my taste buds experienced:

[Butternut Squash and Rosemary and 

Pesto Salad Pizza (If you want this recipe, leave me a comment!]

#2: My Roomie loves Terrariums, and so do I!

She works down the street from the LA flower mart, 

so went nuts with succulents, stones, and our vases.

See?

#3: Don't take for granted a good chocolate chip oat cookie recipe.

Here's why:

It took a lot of willpower not to eat these 

little beauties for breakfast (Ok, I had one). These are best a little warm, so eat them fresh or throw them into the microwave for a few seconds.

What You'll Need:

1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp baking powder

pinch of salt

1/2 cup butter or margarine (a stick)

1/2 cup granulated sugar (I always use a little less than what the recipe calls for)

1/2 cup firmly packed light brown sugar

1 egg

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

3/4 cup rolled oats

1 cup semisweet chocolate chips

What To Do:

1. Preheat oven to 350. Grease 3-4 baking sheets.

2. Sift flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt into mixing bowl. Set aside

3. With an electric mixer, cream together butter or margarine and the sugars. Add the egg and vanilla and beat until light and fluffy (TIP: If your butter isn't room temp, slice it up into pieces and microwave for 20 seconds)

4. Add flour and beat on low speed until well blended. Stir in rolled oats and choc chips. Drop heaped teaspoonfuls on baking sheets, spacing dough about 1 inch apart. 

5. Bake for about 15 minutes (depends on oven power) until just firm around the gue but still soft to the touch in the center. With a slotted spatula, transfer cookies to wire rack to cool.

Makes 60

Recipe taken from Cookies by Hilaire Walden

#4: On a Mission: Collecting

I love going to thrift stores and finding super deals

on super things. Well, i'm collecting amber or yellow-colored glasses, vases, etc. Why? Well, stay tuned :).

 These two are my newest finds.

#5: The Feed Store, in Long Beach, CA.

 If you live in Long Beach, CA, checkout The Feed Store on Retro Row. It's the newest, vintage-thrift store whose proceeds go to providing food and other necessities to those in need. They have everything from clothes to home goods.

I found some cute doilies to craft with: 

 #5:Know that you're loved and have the capacity to love others.

There's a Love that's beyond words, beyond feelings, and beyond your wildest dreams. It's not fleeting. It's eternal. It's hopeful. In it there is joy and peace.

"Oh, how He loves us."

Thanks for comin' along for my first Hodge Podge Friday. I hope you come back and visit really soon. Have a great day :). 

The Duality: Joy and Grief

I was sitting in a classroom observation today when the incessant vibrations of my phone continued to buzz against my lap. At first, I tried to ignore it, but then I figured it would be best for me to pick up (thankfully, the class my friend was teaching was on it's break).

All I could hear was my mom gasping for breath in the middle of sobbing as she tried to tell me that my grandpa had died. I had just talked to my mom probably a half an hour just to catch up, so getting this phone call with her in the described condition caught me a bit off guard. Though we've been expecting this for a while, there's nothing that can really prepare you for the loss of such an amazing person. My mom was impacted doubly seeing as how she and my dad were going to visit my grandpa tomorrow. 

When I first got the news, I had no option but to keep it together. I was with students and a colleague. Having gone into automatic mode, I was able to stay that way until probably an hour after class was over. As I was driving home, I broke down into tears for the first time. I have no doubt that these little bouts will continue to come as the truth of it really settles in.

Unable to focus on my work, I sat and prayed for a while. Part of my spirit is so excited to know that my grandpa is home with his Maker. He's is finally home! I can only imagine the celebration that happened in the heavens today as he was ushered into the presence of our God. The other part of my spirit is experiencing a certain level of grief, and then the Lord gave me this:

"The humanity that I know so well is that which causes Me to grieve as you grieve in loss, but My glory is also the glory that rejoices as one leaves the earthly and is ushered into the heavenly."

Yes, there is celebrating today, but the truth of it is, I can also find solace in the fact that Jesus understands my grief. He too experienced the duality of the situation, and I find great peace in that as I'm reminded how much He understands everything that we go through. This aspect of who God is reflects the depth of His love for us. 

Praise you, Father. Our lives are best lived in Your hands. 

 

 

Lexical Landscapes: How we paint our worlds

"There are many things, in an unknown place, that you won't know how to look for, shapes you won't recognize, movement you won't understand. Learning the language of a landscape is the way we come to inhabit our world."

I'm using words right now to convey my thoughts to you. I realize that "duh" is probably the first thing that came to your mind, but that was just a prime opportunity demonstrating how saturated with words our worlds are. Even when I'm thinking to myself, i'm thinking in the form of words. When you're annoyed and yelling at someone internally, when you're admiring how beautiful someone is, when you're going through to-do lists in your mind, reading road signs, writing letters, receiving text messages, apologizing, saying "hey"--you're interacting with words. There's no escaping them!

We've heard that a man (or a woman) is only as good as his word. In some ways, I feel as though we've veered off from this and adopted the notion that words are fleeting, so it doesn't really matter how or where we invest our use of them. Typical language today consists of sentences strung together by the choice adhesive of the F-bomb or something of that nature. I'm not necessarily condoning or condemning --i'm just simply saying that we have come to a place in our society where we choose lackluster words to paint our landscapes. We forget the power that is connected to our words and have settled for much less than what we were intended to experience. 

Words can hurt or harm, but they are also incredible catalysts for love and life. It's ultimately a matter of volition and surrender that allows us to bless others rather than curse them with the words that come out of our mouths. In order to use words that give life, we often times have to get over ourselves. For example, saying "I'm sorry" and really meaning it requires us to embrace a posture of humility; saying "I love you" can require sacrifice; and calling someone out requires us to acknowledge that love isn't always comfortable. 

Words aren't just the things that come out of our mouths. They are the very thoughts and complexities that find their very roots in our spirits and manifest in different forms. The charge here is that we take with open arms the gift we've been given rather than sowing seeds of death and destruction. It could be as simple as saying, "Hello." It could be as powerful as saying, "I forgive you."

I could say so much more. Though, I feel as though i'm already rambling. I do want to bring everything full circle with this: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." It's no surprise that we can't escape words. If we as human beings are made in the very image of the Most High God, than our very tapestry consists of words (the Word). Having the Living Word in us is proof that we were created to be vessels that cultivate love and life, that encourage, that spur on, and live in such a way that His Word is evident to those around us. 

I know I need to be reminded of this constantly, but I also realize that it's insanely humbling to know what kind of power we've been given to love (What better way to inhabit the world, right?) :). 

Reminders.

[Some reminders and gems from the Conference I went to last weekend]

We often forget who we are. We often forget the men and women God has created us to be.

At the core of our being, we are sons and daughters of the King. We are heirs of His kingdom, which means we have rights to the Kingdom of God. God delights in us living in His Kingdom--as active participants. To live freely means to live knowing our identity and our inheritance. If we live out of a wounded identity, that means that we are experiencing a void of the Father--not experiencing covenant love in that area in our lives.

We need to have the right understanding of what it means for God to be Father. The Father does not withhold anything from His children. He is a loving Father who has called us into adoption--a relationship and a bond that can never be broken. He is approachable. Jesus came, gave His life, and was raised up from the grave, so that we could come boldly before the Father. May we experience more of what it's like to sit in Abba's lap--listening to His heart for us.

We are "kalein." Yay-uh!

In his book The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning says that, "The bending of the mind by the powers of this world has twisted the gospel of grace into religious bondage and distorted the image of God into an eternal, small-minded bookkeeper."

How do we break from this idea that our relationship with Jesus is one of great freedom and deep affection rather than one that paints the picture of a business transaction: "Ok,, Jesus. I'm going to make myself perfect, and then we'll hang out. Cuz i'm pretty sure that you wouldn't want anything to do with me otherwise..."  

How do we break from religious bondage into spiritual freedom? We break from bondage by knowing who we are and Whose we are. It seems to always come back to those two truths.

The lies are that we have gone too far, waited too long, or not done enough to receive love. The lies then tell us that we have to make up for lost time, earn rights to or somehow work hard enough to be received and accepted. 

For all the lies that there are,they are countered by one truth: That's just it: we can't do anything. We can only be--be who He has invited us to be. We are His beloved children, honored guests at his banquet table, and heirs of the kingdom. Nothing we do creates distance between ourselves and Jesus. It's our flesh that tells us there's a rift. We have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us...always.

In the New Testament where Jesus was known to dine with sinners and tax collectors, the word kalein is used--the Greek word for invite. The craziest thing about this word is that it implies that these were guests of honor. Honor! Those considered outcasts and scum of their societies in that their time were invited as honored guests in the presence of Jesus.

Let's be honest here. Grasping the depths of this is freakin' hard. We can and will spend our whole lifetimes being blown away at the ginormousness (yes, I just used that) of His grace. 

We are not ostracized from the grace of love of God; we are guilty of ostracizing ourselves when we believe the lie over the truth. Not only does He pursue us, He takes joy in doing so.

"Never confuse your perception of yourself with the mystery that you really are accepted."

-B. Manning

Grace.

Irrevocable: No Take-backs.

True love (and by this, I mean agape love) is unmerited. We do nothing to deserve it. It is beautifully bestowed upon us for no other reason than for the truth that we have been chosen. Agape love is a sacrificial love that demonstrates one's volition to pursue someone, accept someone, and serve someone even though there is nothing that is inherently worthy about the one who is being loved.

Though a beautiful and weighty truth, this is one of the hardest things for human beings to accept. How on earth is love freely given? We live so often by the concepts of earning, buying or having to work really hard for something before we can attain it. Simply put: This is yet another backdrop for the subversiveness of Jesus Christ: His love is just that--unconditional.

My flesh desires to strive, to earn and to make myself good enough to deserve something. The reality is that there is absolutely nothing I can do in the sight of Christ to make me more lovable, more acceptable, more whole, or more ready for His love. It is without condition. Truly, there are no strings attached. This is insanely counter to what we know as humans.

More often than not, our flesh experiences conditional love. We're loved until we do something wrong or don't meet expectations that others have put up for us. The idea that we can be loved less by someone because of our own fault is, in some ways, more believable and more of a reality than the fact that someone could love us despite everything we've done.

The image that paints the best picture for me is the that of adoption (as it is used in its original context). Adoption implies that the child is chosen--for good. Once that child is adopted, he or she cannot be returned (How harsh does that sound?), given over to someone else, or exchanged for someone who is better. He or she is chosen forever--no questions asked. In essence, the parent says, "I choose you--no if's and's or but's."
This choosing is done forever. The parent will always choose the child. It's not a one time thing. If that is true, then not only is it a continual process of being chosen, it's a continual process for the child to to receive that love and to claim his or her identify of being child.

This is what I continue to learn more deeply every day. I am in great need of His grace--the grace that enables me to receive His unmerited love and to claim my true identity in Him. I am a daughter of the King--fully loved, fully received, and given life to be experienced in the fullest.

May His grace abound in us, so that we can really live this out.

To have His mind...

...is my prayer for all of us. May we have the mind of Christ.

I'll leave you with this excerpt from Mr. Chambers--good old Oswald.

Come unto Me." Matthew 11:28

God means us to live a fully-orbed life in Christ Jesus, but there are times when that life is attacked from the outside, and we tumble into a way of introspection which we thought had gone. Self-consciousness is the first thing that will upset the completeness of the life in God, and self-consciousness continually produces wrestling. Self-consciousness is not sin; it may be produced by a nervous temperament or by a sudden dumping down into new circumstances. It is never God's will that we should be anything less than absolutely complete in Him. Anything that disturbs rest in Him must be cured at once, and it is not cured by being ignored, but by coming to Jesus Christ. If we come to Him and ask Him to produce Christ-consciousness, He will always do it until we learn to abide in Him.

Never allow the dividing up of your life in Christ to remain without facing it. Beware of leakage, of the dividing up of your life by the influence of friends or of circumstances; beware of anything that is going to split up your oneness with Him and make you see yourself separately. Nothing is so important as to keep right spiritually. The great solution is the simple one - "Come unto Me." The depth of our reality, intellectually, morally and spiritually, is tested by these words. In every degree in which we are not real, we will dispute rather than come.

I love the emphasis on the fact that freedom, healing, and experiencing love have so little to do with what we do--but rather Who we come to. May our awareness of Him--His love and grace move us. 

Timely.

I started to write, but nothing seemed to suffice. If you've read the last few posts of mine, you'll remember that I wrote a blog about my grandpa. He's in the hospital again. Last Thursday he told my uncle that he was experiencing severe stomach pains, and the doctors informed my uncle that his stomach is shrinking. Eating is essentially impossible, and if anything is swallowed, it's excruciatingly painful. The doctors are giving him about 72 more hours. He is SO ready to go home. I also can't help but think that my grandma is so excited to be able to see her man again after 9 years of being apart :).

I'm in the midst of a Beth Moore Bible study and came across one of her poems. When I first heard it, I was immediately swept away in the posture of worship that it facilitates, but when I read it again, the only thing I could think of was the way it fully reflects my grandpa's life from the moment he met Jesus until he takes his last. I'm fighting back tears as I think about it, but you have to know that these tears are the kind that I can feel with my whole body--the kind that are bit required for healthy grieving but mostly comprised of deep, deep joy and celebration. He's about to be ushered into the Kingdom of Heaven by His Maker. I can think of no greater joy. He is going to be so welcomed!

I'll leave you with the poem. I hope it causes you to go to your knees, or to lift your eyes to the skies in wonder, or to raise your hands in adoration. I hope it stirs a holy joy within you.

River of Delights

I want to drink from your river of delights.

I want to dance before Your throne.

I want to chase You to the depths and the heights.

I want to live all my way home.

I want my eyes to be open till they're close,d

and faith gives way to that holy sight.

But while I've the dust of Earth between my toes,

I want to live with all Your might.

I want to shout hallelujah while I can,

Living life in the abundant and beyond.

Splashing in Your Spirit and lifting up my hands, 

I want peace life a river, not a pond.

I want to drink from Your river of delights.

I want to dance before Your throne. 

I want to chase You to the depths and to the heights.

I want to live all my way home. 

Grandpa's currently in San Jose, and I'm hoping to make a trip up there on Friday. Grandpa, wait for me, please.

Absent. Present.

Maybe he's just late, I thought. Typically punctual, he was nowhere to be found. Confused and curious, I went on with my day and just waited to find out what the explanation could be for his absence. Fast forward to the following day. Out of breath and apologetic, Masato hurriedly came into class explaining why he wasn't there the day before.

Teacher, lost...my wallet...lost. I take bus--first bus...lost wallet. 

"Well, Masato, how did you get to school?"

Call my host family...pick me up. No wallet...no pass for bus...no money. Nothing. 


"Oh no, Masato! I'm so sorry! That's terrible!"

Gathering my thoughts and shuffling papers together to continue on with my lesson for the day, I listened intently to the conversation that was taking place between Masato and another student of mine, Hussein.

Once Hussein had heard what had happened to Masato, he looked Masato square in the eyes and said, "Money. Do you need money?" Shocked and slightly embarrassed, Masato quickly gasped "No! No! So-k!" Hussein--still insistent--replied with this:

"Please. If you need help. Ask. Anytime. We are family--like brothers."

These students have been together in class for about four weeks. Hussein is from Saudi Arabia (where most of my students are from) and Masato is from Japan. Though their English is limited, these two had an incredibly weighty exchange. What lacked in eloquence and impressive vocabulary was made up for in honesty, generosity and loyalty to one's brother. Hussein meant what he said, and I was moved, challenged and inspired.

I realize that this brief anecdote sheds light onto a number of cultural implications, but at the root of it all, I was reminded how we are put on this earth to love God and love others--bringing glory to His name. Do we put each other's needs before our own? Are we being intentional about staying aware of our surroundings so that we can meet the needs of those around us? Are we selfish or selfless in our day-to-day?

That simple yet profound response to a brother's difficult situation has stayed in my head for days: We are family--like brothers. Even if we only understood a morsel of the power behind this statement, our lives would be much richer as we get to experience a bit more of the heart of Christ.

Long Overdue: A Ugandan Thank You [Afoyo]

Friends and Family,

With the semester over and summer here along with time for me to process and pray through my experience in Uganda, I've finally been able to write a letter of thanks: 

It was a six-hour drive from the city of Kampala to the village of Gulu. As we traveled across the unpaved roads of Uganda, I found myself staring out the window of our 16-seater bus for 5 of those hours with my mouth wide open in sheer amazement or with eyes full of tears—overwhelmed by our Creator. The experience of deep worship for those hours returns to me now as I reflect and share about my sweet time there. Looking at the endless skies and vast expanse of land that seemed to go on forever covered in the most stunning splashes of color, I couldn’t help but marvel at the work of God’s hands—thanking Him for filling this earth with His art that we might partake of His beauty. As I thanked Him for all I was seeing, He spoke to me in a most loving voice: Do you see how amazed you are at all that you see—the nature, the clouds, and the trees? All these things I have made are beautiful, but YOU [all of my children] are my favorite. You are the most beautiful and most precious of all of my creation; I’m amazed by you. For the remainder of the trip, He wanted me to see the depth and breadth of those words He had spoken. He also wanted others to experience the power of those words, and for reasons all stemming from His indescribable love, chose me to share them. I’m forever changed.

Though there are countless stories I could share about how God showed His love, grace, mercy and power and how His Spirit moved, I will limit myself (and spare you the novel) by sharing one that will forever be in my heart. Each team member was given the opportunity to give his/her testimony. My day came on the third day of our medical outreaches—in the village of Alero Cuku. The Passion of the Christ was showing when the generator shut down. In the dead stillness of night and by the light of a few flashlights, I was led up in front of 200 something gorgeous faces, staring intently at me. I had asked the Lord to make my story relevant in so many different contexts on this trip because His story is always relevant. As I opened my mouth to speak, He removed all nerves and inundated me with His confidence. It was as though the Lord gave me a script to read. The picture He gave me was of all of the children and young people (those whom I was sharing with) as gifts during Christmas time and how He couldn’t wait to open them because He knew exactly what (who) was inside. Through that, I was just able to share with them how beautiful they are, how much God delights in them and can’t get enough of them, and how they don’t have to do a single thing to earn the love of Christ. Again, the words He spoke to me on the bus became a driving force of His love. His children are His favorite and he chooses us over and over again. That night, God gave my heart the biggest gift: As Pastor Martin finished translating for me, he asked the crowd if anyone wanted to receive Jesus. Knowing that He chooses them, countless hands shot up into the air as they chose Him. The joy of the Lord saturated that village, and witnessing that number of children come to know the Lord was the realization of one of my heart’s songs. Praise the Lord.

I can’t thank you enough for all of your support; words are failing me. They can’t do what the Lord did and is doing in Gulu, in our team or in me justice (shoot—in all of us!). Through this trip, God showed me another layer of the calling He has placed on my life. I’m currently at Biola University getting my MA in TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages). While I was in Gulu, I learned as much Acholi as I could in a short time. In that, God showed me an ease and great joy in acquiring language—a glimpse of His provision for me to learn whatever I need to learn in the future. I ask that you would join me in prayer. I’ll be in school for another year and a half and am open to God calling me to any part of the world. Pray for clarity and discernment. Also, I ask that you would pray that my all of my schooling would be worship unto Him. I’m so thankful for the opportunity of such a rich education with professors who desire both professional and spiritual development for their students. Lastly and most importantly, I ask that you continue to intercede on behalf of the people of Uganda. God is moving mightily as He raises up outstanding men and women over there to be powerful leaders of His kingdom. Pray for continued restoration of the villages, of the people, and for greater vision of what the Lord is doing there. We trust that God has shown favor on Uganda for the purposes of advancing the Gospel to the rest of Africa and unto the world.
Again, thank you for partnering with me in the work of His Kingdom. Uganda holds a special place in my heart and I wanted to be able to give you a glimpse of that. We were there for about two weeks and 8 of those days were spent in Gulu. I’ve prepared a slideshow of some of our trip. I don’t think I’ve ever seen such beauty in my life as I have over there. With that in mind, I know that the Lord is calling that type of vision for all of us—to His beauty—in any and all of our surroundings. I pray that the eyes of our hearts are further opened. Holy Spirit, come; we want more of what You want.

With so much love and gratitude,

Liz

It's Been a While: Inspired by Inspiration

The dust is finally settling (quite literally, I swept our hardwood floors for the first time and you should've seen the results of that!) from our move from the 5th St. Apt. to Casita Termino.

After about a week and a half of being surrounded by a maze of boxes and with clutter as forced decor, Amber and I are finally settling in--or at least trying to as we're both busy with work and life. It's the first time that it's just the two of us, and we're really excited that we share the same aesthetic amongst other things. She is a blessing. This new home is a blessing. We both desire that it is a place that brings life to all who come through those doors--a place of community and a place where we witness the many shades of Love.

A friend came over today to just chat (she's a full-time mom with a knack for capturing creative moments with her camera) and was inspired by the set up of our new apartment [Friendly Snapping]. As I watched her snap away, I was reminded what a blessing it is that i'm surrounded by inspiration.

As I took in my surroundings, I was overwhelmed by God's goodness--thankful for the people in my life, the love I experience, the home I have over my head amidst a plethora of other things. As I prayed, I was reminded:

With the eyes of His Spirit, that which is already deep meets new depths, all that is color embraces new vibrancy, that which is mundane transforms into beauty, farfetched dreams become reality, all that is still becomes a dance, that which is broken is restored and all that was dead comes to know Life.

What a gift it is that He gives us eyes to see out of His vision and His reality. May we see beauty in the big things, the little things, and the things we often too quickly deem as normal.  

An ode to our new home:

Tree stumps courtesy neighbors who decided to throw them away

Sweet pot/planter-->  a find at a neighborhood garage sale

Barrel courtesy of someone's alley trash-->Our treasure

Our mustard couch-->$20 dollar find from a slightly clueless neighbor :)

One of these things is not like the other...

Goodwill finds

Courtesy alley sale-->some of them are from the Prohibition

We were delighted by the older details but slightly shocked that there's no

trash disposal in the sink

Some call it old and worn down. We call it character

Our coffee table for the time being-->A trunk given to us for freeninetynine a

few years back

Our $40 couch find with its pillow friends

Our cacti. The little dude on the right is currently going

through a growth spurt 

Well, I suppose on some level I just gave you a small tour of our home :). Thanks for coming along! 

One Face of Heaven Breaking Into Earth

Grandpa. There are a few things you should know about this man.

He's 100 years old (101 this August). I'm not even a quarter of that! Needless to say, he's led a full life.
My grams passed almost 10 years ago, and I never thought gramps would hit the 100-mark. For each day he's given, for every other day he is on this earth, this man is doing some serious damage for the Kingdom. My grandparents were probably the first prayer warriors I've ever been exposed to. I remember there would be times when I'd want to sleep in my grandparents bedroom--I'd grab a sleeping bag, put it between their two twin beds (why do some old people do that?), and just lay there listening to them pray together as they sat facing each other until one fell asleep. To say that they were in the zone would be an understatement. It was their job, their joy, and their honor to come before our God in that way. As I lay zipped up in my sleeping bag, and their prayers literally were spoken over me, I never experienced anything but deep, deep peace.

He's an amazing story teller. I wish that I could have heard more while I was growing up. He's a man of conviction. He's a man who loves deeply. He's a man who sees with his heart. He's gentle. He's strong. He was an anointed speaker, a passionate pastor, and still is and will continue to be a true worshiper well after the day He meets our Jesus face to face. 

He gives the best sniff-kisses and grandpa hugs. Because his eyesight isn't the best, he writes the cutest little notes with his grandpa writing--it's hard to read sometimes, but you know that it's just him telling us he loves us.  He delights in his children and his grandchildren. He is proud of us. He's not afraid to cry in front of us. I'm a firm believer that he's a big fan of the happy tears :). Apparently, I come from a strong line of a lot of those, haha.

As he lay in his hospital bed with my uncle on one side and my mom on the other, he raised his arms toward the heavens, eyes closed, with an ear-to-ear smile on his face. My mom asked him what it was that he was seeing, and he cried out, "Hallelujah!! Hallelujah!! I see the face of my God. I see the angels and his children bowing before him worshiping. Hallelujah!!" Talk about getting one of the best gifts ever: a vision of Heaven, a glimpse of the face of his Maker, a taste of what's to come.

I know that Grandpa is ready to go Home. I know that His appetite for eternity has been whetted, and he remains on this earth knowing that God's timing is sovereign. I honestly believe he's still here for our sake. We're not done with him yet, and he loves us enough to stick around for a little bit longer :). I know that when he does go to hang out with Jesus for forever and ever, that my heart will be in a place of genuine grieving and joyous celebration. Words cannot express how blessed I am to know how rich of a heritage I have. 

My family--the men and women who have come before me have made me think about this verse in a different way:

Before a word is on my tongue
       you know it completely, O LORD.

You hem me in—behind and before;
       you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
       too lofty for me to attain.

In many ways, I have seem this hemming behind and before through the people God has placed in my life. They started down the narrow road knowing that Eternity awaits--being fully present along the way. 

Jesus, you are far too good to us. Thank you for Grandpa. Thank you for his story of redemption and surrender. Thank you for inclining his heart towards Yours. You already know this, but he can't wait to see You. 

Love: Freedom's Catalyst

There is nothing more exhilarating, more freeing and more natural than being able to be yourself. When you can laugh with possibility of snorting, cry with a chance of getting all drippy around the nose, speak freely and openly, express your opinions and expose your deepest heart cries with never once having to filter a single thing because you know that you are fully received--it is then that you are able to experience a huge, integral part of God's heart of love, grace and freedom.

In this place of full exposure and full acceptance, there is no striving, no pushing, no judgment, and no unmet expectations. Rather, there is the most beautiful expression of celebration of one's uniqueness--rejoicing in the insane reality that each individual bears the image of Christ. Here in this place of freedom is where we run free, dance with reckless abandon, and worship without reservation (in this place, there is an ease in seeing and experiencing everything as worship).

Here there are no anxious thoughts, no knots in the stomach, no guilt, or shame. They only filter through which we are seen and see ourselves is that of the Love of Christ. Here we sit next to His throne as sons and daughters of the king--as royalty. We join Him as those deemed part of the royal priesthood, His favorite friends, His most precious treasures.

This is a part of His kingdom. The fact that this can be our reality in greater and greater measure is crazy exciting!! This is present for the here and now, and this is what He desires for His children. We are given each other as community, we are surrounded by fellow royalty, fellow children of the King. He sees us as such and wants us to see ourselves and each other in the same way. I pray that He opens our hearts up and helps us to see the scales that He will continue to remove from our eyes. Let us love each other for who we are and what we're really worth. May our love for each other facilitate a deeper realization in our souls as to how much Abba loves us.

I don't write this as though i've figured it out. I'm just tasting it more and more, and I can't get enough of it. The joy of this type of freedom runs deep, and I pray that it is contagious. Eat up, friends! May we eat this up as it nourishes our inner wo/man!

"Oh taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him! O fear the Lord, you HIs saints' For to those who fear Him there is no want...But they who seek the Lord shall not be in want of any good thing. Come, you children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord."

Good, Better, Best: Let's get personal.

Sleeping under light sheets in what seemingly felt like the perfect summer night led a 7:30 AM wake up call that I was actually prepared for. The cool breeze of morning was dancing through the windows of my friend's house where I spent the night. I woke up to conversations and hugs shared with good friends in the heart of Orange. I could already tell it was going to be one of those days. One of those good ones :D.

I drove about a mile to Kimmie's Coffee Cup in the Orange Circle to meet with Frankie, one of the teammates from my Uganda trip and raddest women I've ever met. She is southern hospitality at its finest (e.g. "swate tay"). Met with a smile and yet another hug, we found ourselves talking for three hours about what God's showing us, how His Spirit is moving and how when we sincerely say "He is good," He always ends up showing how He is far better than we could ever imagine. Passion oozes out of this woman; it's contagious. Where the Spirit moves--she moves. We laughed, we cried, and we gave Him the glory for all that He has done and is doing. She's felt the need to meet with me more so than she has since we came home from Uganda (early January). And likewise, I've been having a hankering to meet as well. It turns out that that wasn't at all coincidental. The Spirit's been leading us to the same themes of deliverance and healing as well as the same passages as we've been praying through things. We've both been spending a lot of time in the book of Hosea--both being reminded of and compelled to pursue, all the more, our First Love. At 24 and at 51, He is wooing us. Awesome :D. In the midst of our time together, I couldn't help but be thankful for how He's woven people into my life. I am rich because of the Who/who's in my life.  

Driving to campus for some major paper-writing and book-finding, I kept in mind the fact that Biola is currently holding its annual Missions Conference. One of the reps from ELIC (English Language  Institute China) came to speak the other day, and I wanted to stop by and say "hi." Well, the "hi" became an incredibly comfortable sit-down conversation about our overseas experiences, God's provision as well as His sense of humor. I asked her about the teaching opportunities seeing as how i'm feeling led to do long-term missions work. They have a number of opportunities, but their 2-year ones stood out to me a great deal. They encourage and firmly stand behind sending out teams and not just individuals. I'm 100% behind this. I cannot fathom going overseas and teaching in a foreign land without the support of the Body--near and far. The countries that ELIC is involved with are China, Mongolia, Laos, and Vietnam. If any of you are wondering, my parents are currently doing missions work in Vietnam. They work during the year and go over there during the summer months to serve and cultivate what's been established over there through their Non-Profit [Helping the Poor Children]; it's a program that focuses on the impoverished children in the rural villages--providing children with tuition for school while establishing relationships with their families to share the Love and Life of Christ through service. During summer of last year, I was prayed over by this elderly, but fiery couple, the Masons. Jesse felt that the Lord had put on my heart a draw to "my people"--the Vietnamese, and I was deeply moved by this. My mom also had a dream about all of us serving together. I've continued to pray about these words and visions, and I'm just asking the Lord to give me discernment and further direction (I wouldn't mind the prayers!! :)) Confirmation, please! Where He says, "Go," I will go. There are just moments when I just wish I knew, but He's enjoying me just coming to Him to talk and get to know Him, and i'm more than fine with that! 

All this is good and well, but I feel like it's just be blabbering away. I'm referencing things that seem to only "mean a lot" if you were there to experience them. If you don't want to get personal or see a glimpse into my heart, you might want to stop here. Otherwise, proceed. I invite you into this processing as a part of being honest and transparent. 

I realize it's anticlimactic to preface certain things, so I'm not going to--well literally, anyway. In light of this time of preparation (getting my MA in TESOL) and the Lord growing my inner [wo]man, my excitement is met with a very deep sense of longing. I've never been one of those girls/women who lives by this idea of a timeline. I never said i'd do things at a certain age. And I definitely never imagined being married by a certain age. Recently, i've entered into a new and sometimes uncomfortable but typically peaceful dialogue with God. Lord Jesus, I'm done with school in a year and a half. I'm open to you sending me anywhere....but...but God...I don't want to go alone.  I paint this no other shade than true. 

Here are the things I know to be true:

1) God is the giver of the best gifts.

2) God knows me more than I know myself--He knit me in my mother's womb. He is my heartbeat.

3) God has blessed me with the opportunity of knowing some of the most spectacular men ever! Period. Whether through friendships or relationships, God has shown me men who desire Jesus and pursue Him with all of who they are. This includes my dad. Many of the men in my life live with Kingdom vision, and I couldn't be more blessed. They've set the bar...pretty freakin' high. 

4) Marriage is the physical manifestation of the love between Christ and His church, which means this: It's a big deal. 

5) He, whomever he is, will be my Kingdom partner. We will be iron for each other. We will be extensions of His love to each other. This quote rings true: love does not consist of gazing at each other but looking outward in the same direction. What direction is this you ask: 1) Jesus and 2) Whatever country we find ourselves in, haha. 

6) God is, and will always be, my First Love. And the man I marry will love God with all of his being and love me well because He will love me through Christ's love in Him. Likewise me with him. 

7) Trusting God is one of the best ways to worship Him. Indeed, this whole process is worship. I first want to know my Jesus--not to attain something or someone but to be fully open to Him and His work. 

8) Dynamic Duo. Words spoken over me. I gladly receive them! 

9) God's in the business of blowing our socks off. If we find ourselves manipulating situations, we fall victim to using what we know to do what we think is best for us. Silly humans. He calls us to trust. The tree that is firmly planted by water whose roots are nourished by the nearby stream did not plant itself or cultivate itself. It stands firmly rooted in its Source of life. May we be these trees. 

I guess a list of 10 would have rounded things off nicely. Oh well. I don't say these things because "they make me feel better." Knowing truth doesn't always make the process easier, but it does make it far richer. I walk through this time with the confidence of Christ and with the full assurance that He sees, provides, is present, near, almighty, sovereign, and worthy of all worship. 

In closing. We often want what's good. We hope for the better. Ultimately, He has the best. 

More Jesus, please! He gives the best gifts. He is the best gift.