Psalm 23 [and then some]: The Legit Shepherd.

You know that thing that happens when you read a verse or passage for the however-many-nth-time and you STILL go, "Whoa!" Well, I had one of those moments again. I love them because it shows that God is God of great depth, and the revelation of His word does deep work in our souls.

I was going through a chapter in a book I'm reading called The Good and Beautiful God--specically a chapter on God's generosity. The soul training exercise for that chapter was to meditate on Psalm 23 throughout the course of the week. As I started, I would just recite it as is. A few days went by, and then my meditations on the chapter became a bit fuller--a bit weightier.

Here's what a I got a few days in--my extra somethin' somethin's are in the [ ]'s.

The Lord is my SHEPHERD, I shall not want [because He gives me everything I need];
He makes me lie down in green pastures [because he wants me to REST]
& leads me beside still waters [because He wants me to know His PEACE].
He restores my soul [because only He can do that work in me].
He leads me in the right paths for His name's sake [and because He's a righteous God and cares about my character and my heart].
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I fear no evil for You [PERFECT LOVE] are with me;
Your rod and your staff comfort me [because I know that you discipline and guide me out of LOVE]/
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies [because You are greater than them and you fight my battles].
You anoint my head with oil [because you KNOW who I am and know my worth].
My cup overflows [because you are a GENEROUS God].
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life [because you watch over me and are after my good],
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever [because You desire a relationship of MUTUAL delight with me].

The whole passage is powerful, but this time around--the line that hit me the hardest was, "I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever [because You desire a relationship of MUTUAL delight with me"].
He, the God of the universe, delights in me and is utterly delighted when I delight in Him. If that isn't an overwhelming, hard-to-wrap-your-head-around thought, I'm not sure what is. Amazing, I tell you. His love his amazing. The deeper realization that I know a good and beautiful God is a reminder that I'm forever in a good and beautiful relationship. Talk about generous, right?

P.s. If you have some time, I really recommend the book I'm going through. The main premise of the book is to have us replace the false narratives we live by with Jesus' narratives--replacing our wrong-thinking with freeing truth. The book's even greater if you have some friends you can read through it with.

Oh Come Let Us Adore Him

Oh come let us adore Him,
Oh come let us adore Him,
Oh come let us adore Him,
Christ the Lord!


For He alone is worthy,
For He alone is worthy,
For He alone is worthy,
Christ the Lord!


For soon You will be coming,
For soon You will be coming,
For soon You will be coming,
Christ the Lord!

Hands down--one of our favorite Christmas choruses. I was telling Dave the other day that this song need not be saved until Christmastime. I love the posture it causes us to take as the power of the words sink deeper and deeper into our spirits as we sing them.

As cheesy as the line has become since I was a kid, it couldn't be more true that He is the reason for the season. In the midst of the hustle and bustle that Christmas has unfortunately become for the masses , the coming before our Jesus in complete adoration is get-down-on-your-knees, perspective-bringing, getting-to-the-heart-of-it powerful.

Who knew that the "product" of such a beautiful, scandalous night would bring about the greatest rescuing gift that humanity would ever need to live in light, in love, wholeness and with great purpose? God did, and the Father loves His children so much that this is the only gift He saw befitting. That is just crazy to me--I CANNOT wrap my head around it.

I hope we can experience a deep gratitude, an overwhelming adoration, and an overflowing love towards our Brother, our Savior, our Lord.

Merry Christmas!

The Duality: Joy and Grief

I was sitting in a classroom observation today when the incessant vibrations of my phone continued to buzz against my lap. At first, I tried to ignore it, but then I figured it would be best for me to pick up (thankfully, the class my friend was teaching was on it's break).

All I could hear was my mom gasping for breath in the middle of sobbing as she tried to tell me that my grandpa had died. I had just talked to my mom probably a half an hour just to catch up, so getting this phone call with her in the described condition caught me a bit off guard. Though we've been expecting this for a while, there's nothing that can really prepare you for the loss of such an amazing person. My mom was impacted doubly seeing as how she and my dad were going to visit my grandpa tomorrow. 

When I first got the news, I had no option but to keep it together. I was with students and a colleague. Having gone into automatic mode, I was able to stay that way until probably an hour after class was over. As I was driving home, I broke down into tears for the first time. I have no doubt that these little bouts will continue to come as the truth of it really settles in.

Unable to focus on my work, I sat and prayed for a while. Part of my spirit is so excited to know that my grandpa is home with his Maker. He's is finally home! I can only imagine the celebration that happened in the heavens today as he was ushered into the presence of our God. The other part of my spirit is experiencing a certain level of grief, and then the Lord gave me this:

"The humanity that I know so well is that which causes Me to grieve as you grieve in loss, but My glory is also the glory that rejoices as one leaves the earthly and is ushered into the heavenly."

Yes, there is celebrating today, but the truth of it is, I can also find solace in the fact that Jesus understands my grief. He too experienced the duality of the situation, and I find great peace in that as I'm reminded how much He understands everything that we go through. This aspect of who God is reflects the depth of His love for us. 

Praise you, Father. Our lives are best lived in Your hands. 

 

 

Reminders.

[Some reminders and gems from the Conference I went to last weekend]

We often forget who we are. We often forget the men and women God has created us to be.

At the core of our being, we are sons and daughters of the King. We are heirs of His kingdom, which means we have rights to the Kingdom of God. God delights in us living in His Kingdom--as active participants. To live freely means to live knowing our identity and our inheritance. If we live out of a wounded identity, that means that we are experiencing a void of the Father--not experiencing covenant love in that area in our lives.

We need to have the right understanding of what it means for God to be Father. The Father does not withhold anything from His children. He is a loving Father who has called us into adoption--a relationship and a bond that can never be broken. He is approachable. Jesus came, gave His life, and was raised up from the grave, so that we could come boldly before the Father. May we experience more of what it's like to sit in Abba's lap--listening to His heart for us.

Good, Better, Best: Let's get personal.

Sleeping under light sheets in what seemingly felt like the perfect summer night led a 7:30 AM wake up call that I was actually prepared for. The cool breeze of morning was dancing through the windows of my friend's house where I spent the night. I woke up to conversations and hugs shared with good friends in the heart of Orange. I could already tell it was going to be one of those days. One of those good ones :D.

I drove about a mile to Kimmie's Coffee Cup in the Orange Circle to meet with Frankie, one of the teammates from my Uganda trip and raddest women I've ever met. She is southern hospitality at its finest (e.g. "swate tay"). Met with a smile and yet another hug, we found ourselves talking for three hours about what God's showing us, how His Spirit is moving and how when we sincerely say "He is good," He always ends up showing how He is far better than we could ever imagine. Passion oozes out of this woman; it's contagious. Where the Spirit moves--she moves. We laughed, we cried, and we gave Him the glory for all that He has done and is doing. She's felt the need to meet with me more so than she has since we came home from Uganda (early January). And likewise, I've been having a hankering to meet as well. It turns out that that wasn't at all coincidental. The Spirit's been leading us to the same themes of deliverance and healing as well as the same passages as we've been praying through things. We've both been spending a lot of time in the book of Hosea--both being reminded of and compelled to pursue, all the more, our First Love. At 24 and at 51, He is wooing us. Awesome :D. In the midst of our time together, I couldn't help but be thankful for how He's woven people into my life. I am rich because of the Who/who's in my life.  

Driving to campus for some major paper-writing and book-finding, I kept in mind the fact that Biola is currently holding its annual Missions Conference. One of the reps from ELIC (English Language  Institute China) came to speak the other day, and I wanted to stop by and say "hi." Well, the "hi" became an incredibly comfortable sit-down conversation about our overseas experiences, God's provision as well as His sense of humor. I asked her about the teaching opportunities seeing as how i'm feeling led to do long-term missions work. They have a number of opportunities, but their 2-year ones stood out to me a great deal. They encourage and firmly stand behind sending out teams and not just individuals. I'm 100% behind this. I cannot fathom going overseas and teaching in a foreign land without the support of the Body--near and far. The countries that ELIC is involved with are China, Mongolia, Laos, and Vietnam. If any of you are wondering, my parents are currently doing missions work in Vietnam. They work during the year and go over there during the summer months to serve and cultivate what's been established over there through their Non-Profit [Helping the Poor Children]; it's a program that focuses on the impoverished children in the rural villages--providing children with tuition for school while establishing relationships with their families to share the Love and Life of Christ through service. During summer of last year, I was prayed over by this elderly, but fiery couple, the Masons. Jesse felt that the Lord had put on my heart a draw to "my people"--the Vietnamese, and I was deeply moved by this. My mom also had a dream about all of us serving together. I've continued to pray about these words and visions, and I'm just asking the Lord to give me discernment and further direction (I wouldn't mind the prayers!! :)) Confirmation, please! Where He says, "Go," I will go. There are just moments when I just wish I knew, but He's enjoying me just coming to Him to talk and get to know Him, and i'm more than fine with that! 

All this is good and well, but I feel like it's just be blabbering away. I'm referencing things that seem to only "mean a lot" if you were there to experience them. If you don't want to get personal or see a glimpse into my heart, you might want to stop here. Otherwise, proceed. I invite you into this processing as a part of being honest and transparent. 

I realize it's anticlimactic to preface certain things, so I'm not going to--well literally, anyway. In light of this time of preparation (getting my MA in TESOL) and the Lord growing my inner [wo]man, my excitement is met with a very deep sense of longing. I've never been one of those girls/women who lives by this idea of a timeline. I never said i'd do things at a certain age. And I definitely never imagined being married by a certain age. Recently, i've entered into a new and sometimes uncomfortable but typically peaceful dialogue with God. Lord Jesus, I'm done with school in a year and a half. I'm open to you sending me anywhere....but...but God...I don't want to go alone.  I paint this no other shade than true. 

Here are the things I know to be true:

1) God is the giver of the best gifts.

2) God knows me more than I know myself--He knit me in my mother's womb. He is my heartbeat.

3) God has blessed me with the opportunity of knowing some of the most spectacular men ever! Period. Whether through friendships or relationships, God has shown me men who desire Jesus and pursue Him with all of who they are. This includes my dad. Many of the men in my life live with Kingdom vision, and I couldn't be more blessed. They've set the bar...pretty freakin' high. 

4) Marriage is the physical manifestation of the love between Christ and His church, which means this: It's a big deal. 

5) He, whomever he is, will be my Kingdom partner. We will be iron for each other. We will be extensions of His love to each other. This quote rings true: love does not consist of gazing at each other but looking outward in the same direction. What direction is this you ask: 1) Jesus and 2) Whatever country we find ourselves in, haha. 

6) God is, and will always be, my First Love. And the man I marry will love God with all of his being and love me well because He will love me through Christ's love in Him. Likewise me with him. 

7) Trusting God is one of the best ways to worship Him. Indeed, this whole process is worship. I first want to know my Jesus--not to attain something or someone but to be fully open to Him and His work. 

8) Dynamic Duo. Words spoken over me. I gladly receive them! 

9) God's in the business of blowing our socks off. If we find ourselves manipulating situations, we fall victim to using what we know to do what we think is best for us. Silly humans. He calls us to trust. The tree that is firmly planted by water whose roots are nourished by the nearby stream did not plant itself or cultivate itself. It stands firmly rooted in its Source of life. May we be these trees. 

I guess a list of 10 would have rounded things off nicely. Oh well. I don't say these things because "they make me feel better." Knowing truth doesn't always make the process easier, but it does make it far richer. I walk through this time with the confidence of Christ and with the full assurance that He sees, provides, is present, near, almighty, sovereign, and worthy of all worship. 

In closing. We often want what's good. We hope for the better. Ultimately, He has the best. 

More Jesus, please! He gives the best gifts. He is the best gift. 

40 Days.

So I was praying about what I could intentionally take part in for lent--and by take part in, I mean give up for. My answer came unexpectedly as I got into my car to drive home from school. My hand went to put on music when it dawned on me that silence was necessary. So no music in the car: Regardless of the type, genre, or tempo of music I could potentially listen to as a means of relaxing or even of worship--I am being called to silence as a discipline. This is the kind of silence where I hope and expect to hear from the Lord, where I hope to see things in me come to light, and for me to be OK in the stillness and to know that i'm fully OK in the silence (not desiring to drown out anything that would otherwise get too much of my attention.

I was reminded of this song halfway home and was so thankful that the words struck me so differently this time around:

In the secret, in the quiet place

In the stillness You are there.

In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait, 

Only for You,'cause I want to know You more;

I want to know You,

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more.

I want to touch You,

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more.

I am reaching for the highest goal,

then I might receive the prize.

Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside,

Out of my way, 'cause I want to know you more

I want to know You,

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more.

I want to touch You,

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more.

I want to know You,

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more.

I want to touch You,

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more.

In the secret, in the quiet place

In the stillness You are there

I'm excited to see, to hear from, and to know my Jesus better. I also look forward to breaking from what my flesh is so used to--habit and routine--in order to expose new layers of my heart as well as His. I go into this humbly knowing that it will be a time of preparing and reorienting my life as Easter approaches.

This'll be interesting :).  

Word to [His] Mother!

After writing a reflection for about a half an hour, a quick slip of the finger caused me to lose my whole post as I was typing out the last line. Go figure. I found myself frustrated for a split second until I realized that I could express the heart of what I was saying without taking you on all the semi-relevant tangents my mind went on.

I'm been wowed a lot by how creative and how funny God is lately. I mean, it may seem strange that God would be funny,  but why? If we're made in His likeness, we obviously can't be the only ones with a sense of humor.

This morning, I found myself thoroughly entertained, wowed and amused by the account of Mary visiting Elizabeth in Luke 1: "When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb; and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit." Elizabeth shares with Mary: "When the sound of your greeting reached my ears, the baby leaped in my womb for joy." Baby John leaped for joy when Baby Jesus was in the house (I had to...).  C'mon, doesn't it make you want to chuckle because there aren't words to express how awesome that visual is?! Apart from John's joy, it's pretty awesome just trying to imagine how much joy was going on in that room.

This passage strikes a number of chords, but the most prominent finds its source in verse 11 of Psalm 16. "In Your presence is the fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever." This particular verse has been a constant theme that's been woven into the tapestry of my life for the last couple of months, and i'm thankful that I'm continuing to see how many layers of that there are--if you're curious, the answer i've settled on is that there are infinite levels :D.

Even as a wee babe in the womb of His mother, Jesus already brought about great joy. His presence demands joy would not be an appropriate adage because it would allude to some level of force. Though, we can rest in the fact that His presence evokes joy; It is joy. 

Thank you, Lord--for wanting us to experience greater measures of joy...for eagerly inviting us into your presence.