The Duality: Joy and Grief

I was sitting in a classroom observation today when the incessant vibrations of my phone continued to buzz against my lap. At first, I tried to ignore it, but then I figured it would be best for me to pick up (thankfully, the class my friend was teaching was on it's break).

All I could hear was my mom gasping for breath in the middle of sobbing as she tried to tell me that my grandpa had died. I had just talked to my mom probably a half an hour just to catch up, so getting this phone call with her in the described condition caught me a bit off guard. Though we've been expecting this for a while, there's nothing that can really prepare you for the loss of such an amazing person. My mom was impacted doubly seeing as how she and my dad were going to visit my grandpa tomorrow. 

When I first got the news, I had no option but to keep it together. I was with students and a colleague. Having gone into automatic mode, I was able to stay that way until probably an hour after class was over. As I was driving home, I broke down into tears for the first time. I have no doubt that these little bouts will continue to come as the truth of it really settles in.

Unable to focus on my work, I sat and prayed for a while. Part of my spirit is so excited to know that my grandpa is home with his Maker. He's is finally home! I can only imagine the celebration that happened in the heavens today as he was ushered into the presence of our God. The other part of my spirit is experiencing a certain level of grief, and then the Lord gave me this:

"The humanity that I know so well is that which causes Me to grieve as you grieve in loss, but My glory is also the glory that rejoices as one leaves the earthly and is ushered into the heavenly."

Yes, there is celebrating today, but the truth of it is, I can also find solace in the fact that Jesus understands my grief. He too experienced the duality of the situation, and I find great peace in that as I'm reminded how much He understands everything that we go through. This aspect of who God is reflects the depth of His love for us. 

Praise you, Father. Our lives are best lived in Your hands. 

 

 

Reminders.

[Some reminders and gems from the Conference I went to last weekend]

We often forget who we are. We often forget the men and women God has created us to be.

At the core of our being, we are sons and daughters of the King. We are heirs of His kingdom, which means we have rights to the Kingdom of God. God delights in us living in His Kingdom--as active participants. To live freely means to live knowing our identity and our inheritance. If we live out of a wounded identity, that means that we are experiencing a void of the Father--not experiencing covenant love in that area in our lives.

We need to have the right understanding of what it means for God to be Father. The Father does not withhold anything from His children. He is a loving Father who has called us into adoption--a relationship and a bond that can never be broken. He is approachable. Jesus came, gave His life, and was raised up from the grave, so that we could come boldly before the Father. May we experience more of what it's like to sit in Abba's lap--listening to His heart for us.

Remember.

In keeping with the theme, I'm going to be a bit more vulnerable with you. A friend directed me to this song (Remember by Tim Hughes) as I've been spending some time praying over some things. I decided to learn it...and record it in the process.

In light of it all, He is all and in all, and utterly worthy of our worship.

In our highs and our lows, He is unchanging. We join Him in His suffering, and He makes us more like Him. God, give us the courage to do that. May we know Your joy.

Today I was reminded of His faithfulness in that He has been calling me into a place of great need for Him. Lovely dependence. It's the kind of dependence that looks like a child flopping into the lap of a father--the Father. He is asking me to be still and to rest in Him.


So, here's Take 1 (aka, me being vulnerable with you) :
P.s. Guitar's a wee bit out of tune--couldn't find the tuner. Just go with it ;)

Lyrics:

Ill remember You
Ill remember what You did
Remembering the cross
Remembering the price You paid
Ill remember You

No ones ever loved me quite like You do
No ones ever loved me quite like You
Jesus For Your glory I will tell the story of the cross

I will sing of You
I will sing of what You did
The stone lies rolled away
Nothing but an empty grave

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah for the cross

-Tim Hughes